The Special Needs child

I hate this label.

Every child is special needs, some needs are just more obvious than others.

I have never pitied the mother of a chid with special needs.  How can you pity someone who has such a fierce love and protection, an armour of strength, and a confidence beyond what I could hope to acheive?

No, pity is not the right emotion to have.  Awe, respect, amazement, envy?  Not envy of the struggles (although that's likely what provided that solid strength I see), rather envy of the inpenetrable exterior that faces so many negative and hurtful comments and assumptions every day. 

I know the exterior doesn't truly reflect the pain that resides in the heart...but to go home each day and repair the damage so you can face another day--that is truly a heroic routine.

Each of these Moms spend time wondering if there's a way to make others understand that their child IS capable, they are NOT the sum total of their limitations.  Maybe it's the tone of voice they used, is that why the teacher seems defensive about the advice given?  If I just had one more chance to explain things (darn, why did the emotions show up that last time?), maybe you would 'get' it then?

Listing all the deficits, the 'problems'--just to prove you are aware of them--doesn't allow for the time to show all the amazing accomplishments that also need to be on that list.

I don't want you to know all the struggles, I want you to know all the successes...what makes our little warriors thrive.  The moment you start believing I am looking for pity is the moment you gave up on my child.

A Change is a-coming

A whole year since my last post.  Strangely, not much has changed, and yet so much is different!

God has taken me down some interesting paths this year, and the direction is becoming a little less foggy, although still not clear.  Maybe I have decided to trust in His guidance, and spend less time arguing with Him about the wisdom of His message...or maybe I'm just too darn tired to fight?

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matt 11:28

Rest.  Yes, I have been given rest, but not in the form of sleep.  My mother had a saying, "A change is as good as a rest."  Although I would prefer more sleep, the changes have indeed felt restful!

The first 'change' came as an invitation to help teach new immigrants the English language.  Our Church began a new ministry to reach out to the many newcomers to our land, and help them to communicate better, in hopes they would feel more at home.

I hesitated to accept this position, as I had no formal training as a teacher, nor did I feel I could offer the mental space needed to be a support to strangers.  Little did I know, but the Lord had already prepared me for such a time as this! 

I found that each lesson brought back memories of my time in the Czech Republic, where I was the stranger in a foreign land.  Each kind word or deed, helped me through a very isolating time.  The people who showed patience and love, and helped me form their words, made my experience one to cherish.

I began to connect with my students, and we became fast friends.  Each of them has a unique story, and such a beautiful heart.  Where I thought I didn't have the mental energy to support, they filled that  void with laughter and warmth.

The second 'change' came when I attended the Annual General Meeting for my girls' French school.  There was very low parent turnout, and even less willing volunteers to lead the PAC group.  God had given me a dream the night before, in which I volunteered to lead.  It was absurd to even contemplate, as I do not speak French fluently enough to lead such a committee!

Alas, God had other plans, and it was as though my arm was lifted by a power beyond my intentions....and I was applauded into my new role--most likely due to the relief of those not in my shoes, haha!  I have received so much support in my role, and have grown in my use of the French language.

Throwing myself into roles where I am uncomfortable has given me a new perspective, and has humbled me to ask for help from others.  Although I enjoy the interactions and new friends, I am terrified and plagued by anxiety before each meeting.  I hope those feelings will dissipate with each month. 

That's it for now.  Hopefully it won't take another year to update *tee hee*  God Bless!

Smile

2013 will be a good year.

I don't anticipate that there won't be bumps and obstacles to overcome this year, yet there's a relief that we won't have to repeat any of the challenges that met us in 2012. 

I am thankful that while the Lord pruned us, He gave us strength to grow through pain.  I am full of praise and in awe of our great and merciful God.

Alec is back in school.  Public school.  This is necessary for his healing--as well as ours.  Just when you think you have worked through an area of hurt, another 'trigger' rears its ugly head, and we have to learn to reset our hearts and minds in order to have success.  We have been blessed to find a school with truly compassionate teachers, and an administration that wants to see us all succeed.  What a difference it makes to have a 'team'...I didn't realize how alone I was at the last school until I saw how wonderfully supportive the staff at the new school is. 

Today is Annlise's 11th birthday.  I have no clue how she got to this age so quickly!  She is such a happy, bubbly, friendly young lady....with a heart made for loving!  We presented her with a gift before school:  a hamster cage.  She was so delighted, and shreeked with joy.  We will be going sometime this week for her to adopt her furry little creature, and pick out the toys for the cage.

Thank you Lord for your Love.

Happy New Year!

I haven't written a new blog post in a long time....partly because I couldn't think of anything to write about...but mostly because I had forgotten my password for signing in.

It's a simple fix, but I was too lazy to figure it out--until today.

I know you all are celebrating out there in the blog world....it must have been hard waiting so long to 'hear' from me again. (I just giggled to myself, realizing that *I* am the blog world that I refer to...and thus, I WILL celebrate to hear from me again!)

During my silence, I did occasionally visit my blog, and read over some of my ancient posts. Not to revel in my awesomeness (*ahem*), but rather to reflect on some of my previous thoughts and discern whether I still stood by those words. God has this neat way of having words spill out of my mouth (or type out of my fingers) that touch me over and over again.

I don't know if anyone else has ever had the experience of giving advice that never passed through your mind before it exited your mouth....and then thinking, "Wow, those are words I should really apply to myself!"

Sometimes that happens with my blog posts, too. I write it out in a long stream of unedited thoughts (aside from spell-check), only to read it over and see that God was sending ME a message--through my OWN words!

When this happens, it confirms my belief that the Bible is the inspired word of God. Because I have experienced how it works in my own life. 'Man' will always have arguments as to why the Bible is invalid for them...until they live it themselves.

God bless you all in 2012!

Untitiled #2

There must be some good soil under this rocky sand....how else could this tree plant its roots and grow so well?

Sometimes it's hard to look past a person's life experience to see the good soil in which God's word can grow and produce magnificent results. Sometimes it is ourselves that cannot see the good soil that sits in our hearts, waiting to nurture love and Truth.

In reflecting on God's love, and trying to reconcile the fact that He loves EVERYONE (really, there are some people I truly have difficulty believing He loves), I came to the realization that there are some things that are hidden to this world because they have to be felt with by the heart.

There is a lovable place within each of us. That is the place that Jesus could see while He walked the earth....He looked at the heart, the most vulnerable place in any person's life, and was able to love...even when hate was returned. On the surface, sand covered the good soil--everyone knows you don't plant seeds in sandy ground--but Jesus saw the hidden nutrients, and planted a seed of love in the very people who were deemed 'unlovable' (remember the tax collector?).

Each day I will do my best to look past the outer layer of sand and see the heart of each person I come across. It's amazing how much good soil is waiting to be planted.

Untitled #1

I thought I'd squeeze in at least one post this month...seeing as how I've been averaging one post a month and August is almost over with no posts yet.

I will have four children going off to school this September. One to a very private home-school set up, and three to regular school. This will be the first time in 13 years that I won't have a baby or toddler or child at home during the days. I'm both excited and shell-shocked...and a little sad at how fast the years have gone by.

I know my 'job' as Mom continues, but for a large portion of each weekday, I am putting my trust in others to expand on the start I've given my children.

13 years...wow. All of them were well worth the sleepless nights, the scrapes and boo-boos, the irritable days of teething and the common colds. The Lord truly blessed me with mountains of memories that I will cherish of those earlier days.

I really could barely wait for this day to come, and now that it is nearing, I'm starting to wish it would hold on just a few more weeks...or months...maybe years?

Okay, Lord, I'm here. Use me. :)

It's the little things.

For anyone who has experienced bouts of anxiety or helped someone else suffering through anxiety, you will know that the small steps forward deserve a celebration.

It's been 19 months since Alec's first symptoms showed up, following the abuse by his teacher. The roller coaster of emotions he felt, that our family felt, is a ride that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Here are the things we are celebrating in Alec's recovery:

• He can now look at a menu in any restaurant and choose his own meal.
• He can sit through a meal and not have the urge to run away.
• He is once again testing his own blood sugars, measuring out his injection, and giving himself needles.
• He joins us at the family dinner table and eats with us.
• He laughs...multiple times a day.
• He plays with his friends again.
• He rides his bike and goes to the park...on his own.
• He says his prayers before bed, and sleeps through the night (no nightmares)
• He tidies his room.
• He cares for his dog.
  

Most of the things I have listed seem really insignificant to most people. What's so remarkable about an 11 year old boy acting like an 11 year old boy? Well, for 18 months, he wasn't doing any of these things....the anxiety caused panic attacks, which essentially stopped all 'normalcy' in our lives as a family.

I am so grateful that God has restored our beautiful son to us. I won't take these small steps for granted ever again. We are truly blessed.

Praise God!