Momma always told me there would be days like this

Have you ever had a day that you wish you weren't the responsible one? Where you wish for just a moment you could have a tantrum, and no one would look at you oddly?

Not only have I wished for these things, but I've actually indulged (shock!) on one or two occasions. It's so strange, I knew it was coming on (I have one or two days of hormonal imbalance each month), and I do my best to manage the outbursts....but every so often I just stop fighting it.

The above picture reminded me of the look my kids give me when the outburst occurs. I'm thankful that they give me this look, as it confirms that they are not 'used' to this behaviour, so it must be a rarity, right? (wink)

For years I tried to justify the outbursts....telling myself there was only so much a human (even a woman!) could endure before they explode. I could sense that Christ was not accepting my excuses, but I continued to make them. I would even get encouragement from fellow 'outburst' sufferers, so I felt I was in good company.

Well, that just wasn't good enough for God. No, He wanted me to work on this area....He wanted me to actually acknowledge that it was a selfish habit of mine. If it was a habit, that would imply that I had control over it....and having control over it meant that I could choose not to indulge in the behaviour.....Obviously God is not a woman. I mean, control? Really?

I now know how my husband feels when we disagree. Since I'm always right, it almost seems futile to even begin a discussion....he may as well just follow my suggestions, grin and bear it.

I've come to know this about God--you may think you are right, but you are not right. Ever. Sometimes I remember this in a timely fashion, but mostly I'm stubborn and suffer longer than necessary.

This was the case with my outbursts. For so long I had myself convinced that the hormonal imbalances (if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm referring to PMS) were not in my control, and therefore, the outbursts were also out of my hands. It figures that just when I felt comfortable in my justification, God comes and tells me it's time for another pruning session.

So, due to this being a recent revelation, I have not yet figured out the entire message aside from the fact that I no longer can justify my reactions nor hide behind my usual excuses. I have begun to ask for forgiveness (mainly from my husband, as he's the easiest target), and apologize for my lack of control.