God is always right

I've been struggling with some very real emotions recently. Emotions that make me want to say hurtful things.

In the world's eyes, I'm justified. In fact, in my eyes, I'm justified in carrying out what my emotions want me to do.

However, in God's eyes, I am not excused if I carry out these actions in anger.

As much as I pray that the Lord lifts my hurt and anger, a huge part of me wants to hang onto it. I don't want to forgive this person. I want this person to hurt inside. I want this person to pay for what they have done. I want revenge.

What I have been learning (albeit slowly) is that having God in my life does not make decisions easier...in fact, I'd say that His guidance makes the choices so much more difficult! Yes, that's right. I said it. It's hard having God in my life right now.

Why? Because I cannot deny the Truth of His counsel. I want to react with my human instincts. Before I knew God, I would do just that. I didn't really care if I hurt people along the way....because I felt justified in doing so.

Now that I do know God through Jesus, I am privy to know the 'right thing' to do....and it's so hard to choose the right thing when every part of my being wants to do the wrong thing.

My human urge wants to deny knowing what is right. I have been close to giving in to these hurts...and every time I get near acting them out, I see the cross before me. I have a choice to add another nail or put the hammer down.

I am stuck holding the hammer right now. In tears. I think I know what I will do, but I have not made that decision yet.

God is always right.

Yay!

I made it to 3 blog posts this month! Come on, celebrate with me!

The Christmas break from school began great! We sat down to do our yearly rice krispie gingerbread houses/shapes. So much yummier than the 'real' thing.

Christmas morning was full of smiles and giggles. That was the best gift for my husband and I by far!

....However, I do have to say that my parent's gift of a Dyson Ball vacuum came a close second! This machine is just great! Not only does it have excellent suction...but it has magical powers that make my husband enjoy vacuuming! It doesn't get any better than this....

Our youngest niece, Katie, warmed our hearts with multiple visits this month. Her ever-growing wardrobe keeps all of her extended family exclaiming, "Awwww!"

And, of course, it wouldn't be a true school break if we didn't do some sledding....in our own backyard!!!!

I hope all you blog readers had equally exciting fun at your homes this Christmas season!

An Annlise-ism

The other day Annlise (almost 8) and I were cuddling in the living room and talking about the joys of winter. The Christmas tree lights were on, music playing, and we were both sipping a warm beverage of our choosing.

My focus shifted to the window, and the white fluffy clouds coming out of the furnace exhaust pipe.

"What are you looking at Mom?"

"I'm looking at the exhaust coming from the furnace pipe."

"Poor Furnace!"

"Why would you say that, Annlise?"

"Because it's exhaused!"

I love how young minds work! I look forward to many more moments to sit and cuddle...and to hear how her little thinker ticks over the next two weeks.

When God tests you

...He always makes sure you've been taught the tools to get you through.

The last few months have been something else. I mean, really something else. Like, if I were hearing this from a stranger, I'd wonder if they were just making up drama to get attention....that kind of something else.

But it happened to me--well, my family.

Most of the hardships seemed to be dumping all over Alec. I had moments where I would slump in my chair at the end of a day and ask God, "Really? You think I can get through this??? I hope you are carrying me, 'cause I'm about ready to drop."

And if I felt that poorly...I can only imagine what poor Alec must be trying to process in his young mind.

And then another one hit him.

One of his teachers (he has two that share duties) took out her stress on Alec in early December. She led him to an empty room, closed the door, and yelled at the top of her lungs until he cried....all because he and his friends had been chatting. His blood sugars plummeted --but after the ordeal he couldn't stomach food.

You'd think I'd get a call at this point, right? Well, I didn't. No, the teacher (in front of his whole class) yelled, "Well you aren't calling home or going home, so you better eat something."

After many meetings (where the teacher confessed), a forced apology from the teacher, and calm-but-firm instructions from my husband and I, Alec now is in another classroom. He is also visiting a psychiatrist to deal with the trauma of the event...which is looking like she's been inappropriate from the beginning of the school year.

My heart breaks for everything that he's been through. And God, knowing the intimate details of my pain (and Alec's), sent a message of hope through letters written at the end of last year by Alec's former classmates. In each letter there were compliments on his humour, artistic skill, athletic abilities, and just overall 'coolness'.

Wow. What a blessing just before Christmas!

If these issues weren't enough, my oldest son Ethan came home from school on Monday with an awful tummy ache. We tried everything to make him more comfortable, but the pain just increased.

It was finally decided that we should pay a visit to the Children's emergency room. There the doctor determined that he was suffering from appendicitis! From diagnosis to first cut was 45 min. I guess they don't fool around with this kind of situation! Praise God for all the skilled doctors, and helpful nurses...as we didn't have to stay in hospital longer than 24 hours.

Ethan is resting at home and slowly recovering from his surgery (and getting lots of love and ice cream!).

God still has plans to prosper our family, not to harm us. I plan to have a VERY MERRY Christmas this year. I have so much to be thankful for!

God Bless you as you celebrate Jesus' birthday this year.

Praise Report

I looked over the frequency of my blog posts throughout the year, and realized that the numbers reflect what typically happens in my life. I start out very eager (some say 'overachieving'), then burnout....and end up barely hanging on.

Sad really, but indicative of many aspects of my journey. I have to say that since meeting Jesus, I make some awesome comebacks in the areas that are most important! He makes the difference between wallowing in despair, and brushing off the bruises to grow stronger. I'm still learning to trust Him in all I do. Some days it is easier than others.

I had mentioned that we were facing some tough trials with respect to Alec's health. He made it through his surgery on November 12, but had some post-surgery infections to deal with. It was physically and emotionally draining to watch him suffer through the discomforts, but I held tightly to God's promise of healing.

He had an MRI scan of his brain last Friday....and on Monday I heard the best news: There are no abnormalities or growths on his brain!!! Praise God! This means that his headaches can be treated with less invasive measures....and we may actually be on the up-swing with Alec's health.

He wasn't too thrilled with the IV, but he sat still and didn't even flinch!

My handsome, brave, little boy is turning 10 tomorrow!

On the same day that we received the great news about the scan, we heard about an unexpected change in our financial situation....which eliminated my fears about fixing our van during the Christmas season.

God has always been faithful to us, and yet I am taken aback every time I see just how involved He is in our everyday life. He does take care of the little things....with a little faith.

Let there be Peace

Arnaud and I have been attending a marriage course through our Church. They needed couples to fill spots, and I thought, 'what better way to prove we're doing it right, than to go and ace this course!'

Wouldn't you know that God was planning to humble us as a couple....again! It seemed after every session, Arnaud and I would be muttering something less than lovable under our breaths to each other. The issues we felt we had dealt with and moved on from seemed to sneak up and pull the rug out from beneath us! Some help this course was!

It wasn't until week 5 that 'praying together' was introduced. Wow. That the first time we prayed together in our little huddled corner, the tension and angst were lifted from our shoulders.

It was as if God spoke to both of us saying, "Let there be Peace." And there was Peace.

We began incorporating walks into our routine again. Something we had given up because of Alec's unpredictable comfort levels with his health issues. The fresh air and beautiful Fall colours seemed to lift everyone's spirits as we shared important (to us) thoughts and ideas with each other.

The children went from bickering every five minutes to laughing and enjoying each other's company. Colour came back into their life as the cool Autumn air kissed their cheeks with the hints of winter to come.

We had a day or two of snow thrown in the mix to remind us of how white blankets can cover even the dirtiest lawns and make them look clean and new.

Let there be Peace.

Sometimes words are hard to find

I've posted about a little girl named Hannah who was very sick earlier this year. A cancerous tumour that weighed almost 1/3 her body weight was discovered in her abdomen, and her heart had been badly damaged.

Throughout the last few months she's been fighting a tough and courageous battle to keep her little body going....but lately it seems the Cancer is having the upper hand.

Her tiny frame is now swollen with retained fluids, and she is in quite a bit of discomfort with a fever. Hannah and her mother have been transported to a hospital far from their home in hopes of finding another treatment that can ease her pain.

The prognosis is not good. It seems the Doctors are at a loss as to what further they can do to help her.

I continue to pray for a miracle. I continue to have hope that God's plans for little Hannah include more years on this earth...and if that is not in His Will, I pray that His comfort is felt by all who know and love little Hannah.

Please include Hannah and her family in your prayers in the next few weeks.

Four years old....a precious life....Lord, bring Glory to the Father through your healing hands, and help those of us on earth understand Your love and Mercy. Let Your Will be done here on earth as it is in Heaven. Surround Hannah in your comfort, and bestow Peace upon her parents. Amen.