Diagnosis; Part 2

I've retold this story many times, but I've never written it down. Please bear with me as I do my best to condense the enormity of emotions I felt at the time into a readable story.

The moment the doctor confirmed that Alec had Diabetes, I felt relieved. Not panicked, not terrified, not even lost. As I look back on those few moments in the office, I am sure that was God's Grace, as my reaction was so beyond what was 'normal'. There were no tears, just a determination to find out everything and anything to help Alec get better.

Alec was admitted to hospital the next day and remained there for 3 days....until Arnaud and I were properly trained to administer his daily injections and to recognize severe low blood sugar symptoms.

I paid attention throughout the classes, but I didn't feel anything. I was emotionally numb, and started to think that maybe there was something wrong with me. Shouldn't I be falling apart by now? Don't I need a good cry over this?

That good cry came on the last day Alec was in hospital. I had left Arnaud with Alec, and I went home to shower and get the home ready. I needed to get a few groceries, so I went to the local store. As I walked down the familiar isles of food, everything suddenly became foreign to me....and I was lost. I started to breathe rapidly, and my face started to get flushed. I was experiencing a sense of panic over which foods to buy!

I left my cart in the store and drove to my parents' home. I fell apart. Why did this have to happen to my son? Why not me? Why couldn't I be the one that needed injections multiple times a day? Why didn't God spare my little boy.....and give the disease to me?

I told myself that there were new and improved therapies that allowed diabetics to live an active and full life. I was thankful that Alec had a treatable disease, but I wasn't focused on being thankful in the first few days and weeks.

It felt good to let my bottled up emotions burst forth, and just rid myself of the inner turmoil. My Mom prayed over me and held me until I felt strong enough to continue.

I knew that I had to hand every fear and care over to the Lord, but I was struggling with being angry. I was still a 'baby' Christian, and I couldn't figure out why the Lord would test me when I was so young in my faith. Isn't this a bit too big of a test this early, Lord? Apparently He didn't think so. I can see now that God had huge plans for all of us, and His strength helped us through the darkest of times, and will continue to do so.

Watching how Alec has grown and matured with his responsibilities has taught me about courage and perseverance. I still have moments when I catch my breath and am overcome with fear as I think about the fact that Diabetes will one day take my son.....but I am quick to give those fears over to Christ, and He embraces me with His love. I continue to Trust in His promise of eternal life.

The other night Alec asked, "Mom, when my room is ready in Heaven, will I have to still take needles?"

No, my sweet boy, you will have a perfect body in Heaven, with no more pain or illness.