Savannah's sweater

Savannah Grace.

I'd like to introduce you to a very special little girl that has had a profound effect on my life. She taught me about love, life, and letting go. Her strength was displayed with each hurdle she overcame, but her strongest moment happened without a sound.


I first heard about Savannah when her Mom announced she was expecting in an online parenting group. Emily very hesitantly shared that she was expecting her fourth child, but had experienced complications with the pregnancy. At the end of her first trimester, a visit with the doctor indicated that the pregnancy would most likely end soon.


The little one growing inside had other plans, though. She fought harder than those doctors thought she could, and kept hanging on. She defied all odds and entered into the second trimester with a strong heartbeat.


I didn't know Emily well (aside from reading some of her posts), and I made it a point not to become too involved with 'people on the screen'. It was still a new concept to me to be able to 'talk' real time with someone typing a world (or country) away.


I offered some words of comfort and support, letting Emily know that I would pray for her little one. I felt so helpless, living so far away, and prayed that God would show me a way of reaching out to both Emily and her sweet, unborn child.


One afternoon, while sitting down to finish knitting a sweater for our church's mission, it dawned on me that I should make a layette set for the tiny baby forming within Emily. I logged onto the parenting site, and asked if it would be alright to send along a little package. It was then that I was informed that Emily had been admitted into hospital with heavy bleeding. My heart sank. Things didn't look good and I braced myself for heartbreaking news. I was surprised at how close I felt to Emily, and vowed to open myself up to help her.


Emily was 25 weeks pregnant, and losing quite a bit of blood....but baby was happy and healthy, with a strong heartbeat. My heart filled with joy! The doctors decided to keep her in hospital, and aim for 27 weeks before taking baby out. Emily shared with us that she was expecting a little girl.


I had two weeks to get that sweater set done. I picked out a lilac colour of wool that had a shimmer to it. I prayed each day for the safety of that little girl, as I stitched together the sweater with love. Since I knew that the little one would be born prematurely, I knit a mini cap with the same wool, and embroidered the nickname "Goober" that had lovingly been given to her.

I finished the set with a couple days to spare! I boxed it up, included some other little trinkets, and shipped it off to the hospital where Emily awaited her youngest girl.


Little Savannah Grace left this earth while still in the comfort of her mother's womb. I could not accept the words I had read on the update. NO! This is not the way things were supposed to turn out! She is a fighter, there had to have been a mistake.


I cried. I prayed for Emily and her family--as much sadness as I felt, I knew they were feeling a million times more heartbreak.

The sweater!! Oh, no....when it arrives, it will just add salt to a gaping wound. I prayed that Emily would be protected and supported as she opened the package I sent. When it finally arrived at the hospital, two weeks after Savannah's funeral, Emily opened the box surrounded by the nurses that helped care for her.

Emily shared with me that she smiled as she saw the embroidered 'Goober' on the preemie cap I had knit. I praised God that she was able to smile in the midst of all her grieving.

We shared letters and emails over the next few days, weeks and months. In Savannah's short life, she had a lasting influence on my understanding of what it is to love my children. It's not about clinging and sheltering, it's about letting go and loving.


We are not guaranteed a single day with those we love, so enjoy each day as a gift. I cannot express accurately my gratitude for the lessons both Emily and Savannah taught me during those times, and still teach me today. My life is better for knowing and loving them both.