A piece of me

One of the most memorable lessons of my early teens came on a retreat with my Church's youth group.

After a long day of canoeing, swimming, hiking and fellowship, the group sat down for the evening's talk. The Camp leader started out by telling a story of a little girl who was 'hurt' in a way that scarred her deep within. He spoke of the lies that immediately began to fill her head....so many that it was hard for her to ignore them, so she began to believe them.

These lies began to form her identity. When she wanted to do the right thing, she would convince herself that she was damaged, and would therefore not try. The darkness that threatened to envelope her heart was always creating pressures to do what she knew was not right.

People would attempt to reach out to the girl and try to show her the beauty that she was within--the beauty God created her with--but she couldn't see what they saw. She was blind to the good because she was convinced she was not. How could good exist where so much ugliness lived?

As I listened to this story, I began to cry. The counselor's wife came to me and took me to another room. She recognized the little girl in me, and reached out to offer hope.

I was not willing to accept the words she offered, "It wasn't your fault." (I had heard this many times, but the lies prevented me from believing it). I didn't say anything for a long time. I just sat and cried. The wife whispered softly next to my ear words that I believe God gave her to share.

"You didn't deserve it."

Those words were the beginning of my healing. I had convinced myself that fighting with my siblings and sometimes being angry with my parents had made God upset with me....and that's why He allowed the hurt to happen. I felt that I deserved all the bad that I had been through, and that no matter what I did, I could never regain God's love.

When the counselor's wife uttered those few simple words, a key unlocked a piece of my life's puzzle that had been hidden in shame. God was not punishing me at the time I was hurt....He was carrying me through it, and preparing me for a time when He would cause all things to come to good for those who trust in Him.

I have shared openly with many women who have been hurt in the past, and I have seen my experience shed light on their own hurts and scars. I am shown the amazing healing power that God offers to all His children, and how He puts us back together one piece at a time.